


Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

by FallacyFallacy



Series: The Annual Christmas Carol Fic [2]
Category: Pokemon, Pokemon Black and White
Genre: Also N is basically a dark magical girl, Black is a closet magical girl yuri fan, Christmas, F/F, Fluff, M/M, Nuzlocke, Spoilers, though that one is pretty much canon anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-24
Updated: 2011-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-28 01:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/302339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallacyFallacy/pseuds/FallacyFallacy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a wintry Christmas Eve, N returns. Spoilers for the end of the game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: Final version up. You didn't see anything... (Also, this is based on my Nuzlocke challenge, but you don't need to know anything about it to understand this.)

The lights were beginning to go down, the sun having fallen behind the tall treetops surrounding Nuvema town. Within the little valley they had made for themselves they were huddled even closer, all gathered in a single house. Outside, new snow fell slowly and delicately, covering the little village like a blanket, muffling all sound. Only the quiet sounds of nearby Lillipup or Patrat rustling in the ground disturbed the calm, snow glittering undisturbed on the leaves and roofs like something out of a fairytale.

Inside it could not have been more different. Where there was calm coldness outside, inside the house glowed with warmth and light. A bright fire burned in the small living room, bright red and green stockings hung with touch-in-cheek earnestness above it. Gold and silver decorations and crepe paper hung haphazardly around the room; in one place, it dangled to the ground, having fallen and been replaced so many times the decorator had simply lost interest in doing it again. Plates filled with chocolates and candies covered several surfaces, all in brightly coloured bowls, and alongside many glasses of wine and champagne. And, of course, by the fire was the centerpiece – a giant Christmas tree barely scraping the ceiling, covered head to toe in a mishmash of different decorations the spoke more of enthusiasm than skill, and which towered over a vast collection of shiny wrapped presents, big and small.

Sharon darted between rooms, offering the delicacies she had bought for the occasion, her normally quiet demeanor growing more confident as she sipped her glass of champagne. The last time, Charlie stopped her, brushing a strand of golden hair from her cheek and kissing her, taking the plate and setting it down on the table. White and Bianca were sitting together next to the tree where, covered with pine needles, they held hands, speculating about the nature of the gifts, Munny lying comfortably over their laps. Cheren and his father sat in front of the fire, arguing about something or other in that deep-down good-natured way that they all had long since learned to recognise. Jia and Mom were chattering in the kitchen as they checked on the dinner, as the latter tried unsuccessfully to teach the former anything about cooking whatsoever. Laughter floated upwards, through the wood and the floorboards, up the stairs and down the corridor to Black.

A star twinkled outside the window and Black's eyes drew towards it. The soothing strains of a CD of Christmas songs he had downloaded specifically and set on repeat wafted around him, and at present he was gifted with the comfortingly melancholy sounds of Judy Garland.

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas...”

He was being stupid. He knew he was being stupid. This whole thing was supposed to have been over a month ago. And come on – he was angsting out on Christmas while wearing and listening to Judy Garland?! That was...okay, yes, that did possess qualities that some would label stereotypically homosexual, but he had already accepted that he did lean somewhat in that direction himself and he quickly realised that complaining about such a thing did speak of latent homophobia. He chastised himself for the lapse – latent homophobia was a serious thing! But then he sighed.

He also knew that if White (or Cheren, come to think of it. Or even Bianca, really) saw him right now they would probably yell at him or punch him a bit. He wouldn't blame them! He had already had his week where he did nothing but sit in his room and watch Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha for several days, and then White had actually sat down and watched it herself and figured out what he was doing and yelled at him for being an idiot.

It was just...

“Old friends who are dear to us, will be near to us, once more...”

He would never forgive himself for not thinking to give N his Xtrasceiver number. Never. It was just... He'd just been so overwhelmed, and N was so sad and then he was leaving but he was good all along, just like Black had known, but Team Plasma hadn't been and there was Ghetsis and... Christopher. His fists clenched thinking of it. He'd done all he could, but Ghetsis had been too much. He couldn't defeat him and still save them all. He'd made his decision, and he knew it was the right one, but...

...so he knew that he really couldn't have blamed himself. He always did have a habit of getting caught up in himself and forgetting to...well, communicate. At all. Need he remind himself of when N had told him he was the king of Team Plasma and, rather than, say, actually getting some information about it from him, he has just totally fixated on the fact that N wanted him to join for some reason? He'd moped then, too, and then Nora...

He wondered where he was. He couldn't imagine being in a position like his. On his own, without any experience of the outside the world or knowledge about how to interact with other people, without any home to go back to, in the cold weather of winter, while Ghetsis still lived, out there, somewhere...

And on Christmas, too. Christmas just made everything more serious, somehow.

He shook his head, turning away from the window. He was being silly and dramatic, trying to make it seem like this was all some big romantic scene from an anime or something, while he was just some kid who happened to catch a bunch of extremely talented and powerful pokemon, befriend a guy with links to a criminal organization and a really shitty past, and then end up mooning over the guy when he fucked off god knows where at the end of it all. ...okay, so maybe that did sound like an anime a little. But the snow thing was definitely pushing it. Snow Means Love, was it? And there was a Snow Means Sadness, too, or something, right?

As he shook his head and got ready to go downstairs again, though, he couldn't help but let one thought reach conscious awareness in his mind: I wanted to have Christmas with him. I'm the only family he's got.

He blinked. _Was that...Ichirou?_

Black turned back to the window, leaning on the pane and looking out. He'd let his faithful Samurott outside for a while, as while the pokemon was too old to play around in the snow like he had as a Dewott (in a totally stoic, cool way, of course), he still did enjoy the feel of ice against his fins. But Ichirou was on his own, and he couldn't see why the pokemon would have any reason to talk to a wild Patrat. Besides, that sounded almost like human speech...

His heart stopped.

Before he could think, he leapt off the bed, grabbing a coat lying on a nearby chair and shoved it on, rushing down the hallway to the stairs. When he got there, however, he froze. His heart beat wildly. Was he wrong? Had he hallucinated? The hesitant part of him overtook and he gripped the handrail tightly. Even if it was N, it probably wouldn't be best to make a big deal out of it yet. He'd just... go downstairs and talk to him a bit. He'd...

He couldn't help it. His mouth pulled into a weird grin and he ducked his head, biting his lip. N. He'd get to talk to N. It was N!

Swallowing, he struggled to remove the traces of exuberant joy from his expression. He was pretty sure he hadn't succeeded, but he couldn't bare to wait anymore now that he knew N might be outside his house right now!

He walked downstairs quickly, hoping no-one would notice him, especially not White or Cheren. Luckily, everyone seemed pretty preoccupied with what they were doing and barely noticed as Black descended and made his way across the living room.

“Black!” Jia said behind him, causing him to spin around quickly. “Are you going outside at this time of the night?” she asked. She was obviously bemused, but it was Christmas Eve, so the smile didn't leave her.

“Er, yeah, just thought I'd go out and play with Ichirou for a bit!” Black said quickly, turning away. Arceus he was a bad liar. “Don't worry, I'll be back soon!”

“You'd better be – your mom and Charlie will have dinner ready soon!” She wagged a finger.

“Don't worry, I'd never miss that!” Black said honestly, shaking his head.

“I'd hope so!” Jia waved, and Black nodded, finally opening the door and stepping outside.

N was around the corner, just out of sight from where Black was standing. He must have come down from Route 1. But he could see Ichirou's back, and he could hear them both.

Black's first instinct was to rush forward, but he steadied himself, resting a hand against the door. N. It really was him! He blinked fiercely, swallowing thickly. A couple of snowflakes fell to his cheek and he brushed them away. N was okay. He was okay, and he had come to him. N needed him still. Well, not that that was a good thing, but...

He tried to hear what N was saying, but memories overtook him. All of a sudden, he couldn't stop thinking about that time they had met in Accumula Town. Things had been so different then, when N had just been some strange, awkwardly-acting guy, traits that Black had been sure betrayed only the fact that he was uncomfortable around other people and really needed a friend, because wasn't that what always happened in stories? That Cheren had immediately started joking that he was a stalker had only made Black more determined to protect him, somehow.

And then they'd met there in the museum in Nacrene City, and N had been acting so weird and Black was beginning to wonder a bit, but then N had admitted he only wanted to talk to Black's pokemon and... Well, what reason had he had to refuse him? And it was like... Even now, he couldn't describe it. It was like something else overtook him completely. Where with him he was awkward and strange and cold and clearly very uncomfortable, as soon as he started talking to his pokemon, it was like he became a whole different person. He was smooth and charming and talked to each one of them in turn, letting them climb over his crossed legs and petting their heads. And his smile... It was like nothing Black had ever seen before. It was a smile of such genuine kindness, of such earnest pleasure, that Black immediately felt that he was intruding on something. But as time went on, and he got more and more opportunities to talk with N, he gradually came to realise something – he was the cause of that smile. He was the reason N could smile like that. Yes, N was much happier around any pokemon than a human, but it was because of Black that he could relax and understand that he didn't need to worry about them or try to save them. They were happy. He was happy. That was all.

There were many details of his adventure that Black was unsure about. He was unsure that he deserved to be called 'Champion', and was quite happy that almost nobody was aware of what had gone on in that castle, most seeming to believe that he had fallen at the last hurdle. He was unsure that he deserved to be considered a 'hero' by Zekrom, and was quite pleased that the pokemon normally kept to herself, only returning when Black asked for her. He was unsure that he deserved to be called a 'hero' by N, and still doubted his claim that Black was special.

But he knew that he had brought N happiness. And that was a good enough achievement for him.

His good feelings fell away as he returned to the present. What would his pokemon think? They had loved him back in Nacrene City – even Ichirou and Peter, who normally couldn't stand one another, were happy to sit together at N's side – and they had seemed to support him on his attempt to fight and talk with him, but...

Some were obvious – his Stoutland Cordy could never think badly of anyone, nor could his Simisear Hotman. And his Chinccino Linda distrusted anyone she hadn't had a chance to talk with personally yet. But what about Zamal or Pyotr or Nina or...?

And that was the least of it. What would the others think? Bianca was still hurting from the comments N had made towards her in Chargestone Cave, and he knew the others would never forgive that. Hurting Bianca was the sort of thing that had no excuse. And White in particular didn't seem to have any pleasant feelings towards him. He didn't really blame her. She had left on her journey before the others, so she had been locked out of the loop the entire time, only finding out near the end that Black had something going on with someone who turned out to be the head of a criminal organization, as much as Black had tried futilely to deny that his feelings lay in that direction. That Black had refused to give her any but the most basic details of what had happened in the castle hadn't helped. Although they were twins, White had always thought about Black as her little brother, and he understood that she wanted to protect him.

And as for Cheren...the guy hadn't liked N from the start, just thinking of him as some creeper who was weirdly fixated on Black and had some really paranoid conspiracy theories about pokemon. He'd also never believed in Team Plasma even for a second, and as he'd begun to learn how closely interconnected N was with him, he had been the one most vehement about calling out Black's delusions. And...as much as the taboo against talking about it held, Black had to admit privately that Cheren hadn't been entirely wrong. Black had been right about N, but when it came to Team Plasma in general and Ghetsis in particular...

But his feelings on N now were much harder to dissect. He, too, had gone through the castle. For all Black knew, Concordia and Anthea had told him everything they told Black. Even if they didn't, he had still seen that final confrontation with Ghetsis. Then, he had defended him. Ever since, the subject hadn't come up. Or, he should say that everyone involved save their parents has avoided it like a bad smell. Even Professor Juniper hid her occasionally concerned glances his way with exclamations overly enthusiastic even for her. White has tried to broach the subject at first, but had quickly figured out that she wasn't going to be learning anything any time soon. Sometimes he thought he caught a knowing glance from Cheren, but as blunt as he usually was he could be surprisingly inscrutable when it came to his own feelings.

What could he say to them? “Hey guys, N's here, let's let him join in with Christmas, okay?” Even on a normal night that would be unreasonable, but on Christmas Eve...

He was jerked back to reality again with a sound – Ichirou was backing up. Black's heart leapt. He stepped forward unconsciously, the snow crunching loudly under his feet. And then -

Then there was N.

N looked over at him, surprised. He was still wearing the same clothes he'd had on every time they had met up – had he been washing them? - with only a blanket around his shoulders. He was holding his arms to his chest tightly, clearly quite cold. Behind him sat a small backpack, the only container of the entirety of N's possessions. Behind him stood a Zoroark; Black flinched a little seeing it, wondering whether she would remember him. But the thought was swift, because it was N and that was all that he could say because that was all he needed to say. His hair was messy as ever and still tied back in that ridiculous style (he probably cut it himself, Black thought with a sad chuckle), the menger sponge still tied to his belt, and with an expression of surprise.

“Black...!”

That did it. He ran forward, stumbling and slipping slightly in the snow, but then N's hand was there, and his arm, and his chest, all real and physical and right in front of him. Even before he couldn't do this – just touch him, on the forearm, feel his hand on his shoulder. Even back when N had claimed they would become friends, and Black has responded that they already were. Even when N had said his last goodbye. There was always distance between them, had always been distances. Maybe they'd both liked to pretend that there hadn't been, and maybe that was how they'd been able to care for each other at all. Even now there were distances – friends and other peoples and histories and things that they couldn't, wouldn't, talk about. But they'd breached one of them here, as Black buried his head into N's chest and N wrapped his arms tightly around Black's back. It was cold and snow was in uncomfortable places and N was clearly shivering but for now they just stood together, breathing together.

He hadn't realised how much he'd needed this. As much as he spoke of protecting N, and as much as he told himself that N needed him, it wasn't one-way. He needed N. Not just in some roundabout 'I need him to need me' thing, but in a real, physical way.

He felt more relaxed than he had in a long time.

He pulled away, rubbing at his eyes, and N awkwardly disentangled his arms. “Black,” he repeated quietly.

“Hi,” Black said finally, looking up at him, then snorted. “Um...sorry. That was probably...”

“No!” N said hastily, waving his hands in dismissal. “No, it was fine! I didn't mind!”

“Good!” Black nodded, swallowing.

N looked down at him with concern. His eyes really were a beautiful green colour – exactly the same shade as his hair. His cheeks were pink with the cold, his nose flushed red. The combination of green and red looked surprisingly Christmassy, and Black felt another surge of affection.

“It's so good...to see you again,” he said quietly. His breath hitched, unused to conveying such emotion. He wondered whether he was overdoing it, while simultaneously hoping N wouldn't underestimate him.

N nodded, and finally he smiled. It wasn't quite the same smile Black had seen those months ago – it was quieter and more restrained and more nervous – but it was softer and almost more excited in some way Black couldn't really explain. His heart swelled to see it.

“Sorry...I wanted to give you my Xtransciever number so we could talk, and...”

N shook his head. “That's all right! I don't have one of those, and I didn't even know what they were until recently. I couldn't buy one even if I wanted to.”

“Oh.” That made him feel a bit better, actually. “So how have you been?” He suddenly blurted, realising that he had been talking about the wrong thing again. Dammit, he should have planned out the conversation in advance! Oh, well.

N glanced away, eyes narrowing. “...well. How are you?”

Black frowned. His nerves were so on edge at the moment that any shift in emotion felt like a 180. “Uh, good. But I mean seriously. How have you been?”

“...you actually want me to answer?” N said carefully, cheeks growing pinker.

“Um, if you don't mind...” Black blinked, then felt like slapping himself. Right – N didn't really know how to interact with people. He'd probably learned at some point that when people ask how others have been, they don't really expect them to answer, and didn't know how to answer now. “I really do want to know. Really.”

N pursed his lips. “It has been...an experience.” He toyed with his shirt and, for at least the third time in this conversation, Black felt like slapping himself. He felt the urge to laugh, probably hysterically. This was either the best or worst thing he'd ever gone through.

“Shit, you must be freezing!” He glanced at the house, the bright lights falling over their faces in profile. Not yet... Instead, he pulled off his jacket, shoving it forward. “Here...”

N removed his blanket, pulling on the jacket and then pulling the blanket around again. Black couldn't help but stifle a chuckle at the sight. It was clearly too small for him and his wrists poked out by a good distance. And yet there was something...strangely domestic about seeing N wearing his clothing and oh god he had to stop that train of thought right there, this was not the time to be thinking about that at all...

“I travelled around to a lot of different places. I wanted to...see the world as it truly was.” N brushed a snowflake from his cheek. “I talked to a lot of different pokemon. And I talked to some trainers as well.”

Black smiled wryly. “So you do understand that I'm not special, now?”

“No!” N's eyes were narrowed and Black glanced away. He'd forgotten how incredibly intense N could be when he was serious about something. “I haven't. Because you are special.”

Black raised an eyebrow, looking at N sideways. “But...the whole thing was about how I treat my pokemon, right?”

“Not just that.”

Black turned back, light-hearted mood fading. “Huh?” This was news to him.

N bit his lips. “Yes. I...don't really know how to explain it, though. And even when it comes to pokemon training, you are different!”

Black searched N's face. His heart wavered. What should he say?

“...how am I a different pokemon trainer?”

N's eyes blazed suddenly, and Black fought the urge to step backwards. “You love your pokemon like no-one else I've ever seen. You can truly communicate with them. You really feel for them. But most of all, you will do whatever it takes to do what's best for them. You won't let anyone stop you. Because you understand them.”

“N...” Black's eyes widened. “That...I don't think you can really attribute that to me! I didn't actually know for sure, it was just that they – they were hurting them, and -”

“And you knew that. And stopped them.”

“So you're saying that's what made me a hero?” Black was running on impulse here – he never would have thought that, minutes after meeting up with N again, they'd be discussing this. He honestly thought it'd take ages for that, if they ever did. “But that doesn't make sense, because you were a hero, too!”

N's face closed. “I am no hero.”

“So how do you explain Reshiram, then? You think he got it wrong? You think he – made a mistake?”

“...even the very wise are not always right.”

“N!” Black's mouth finally caught up with his brain and he stalled. What was N talking about? He hadn't realised he thought this way... though, in retrospect, he really should have. Fuck, he really _should_ have planned this conversation out in advance...

However, before he could say anything, the door opened behind him. He turned to find White standing there, gazing at N coldly. It looked so strange, the contrast between her icy expression and her long, wavy brown hair – down for once – and her brightly coloured Christmas sweater and jeans. Black was rapidly beginning to get the impression that he was single-handedly ruining Christmas. It wasn't a good feeling.

N glanced between them. “...um. Hello?”

“Hi,” White said shortly, walking forwards. Black realised abruptly that this was the first time that they had ever met.

“...um! N, this is White, my sister. White, this is...N. Obviously!”

“Why are you here?”

“White...!” Black blanched, looking rapidly between N and White. “Um, could we talk? Privately?” He turned to N. “Erm, sorry, I'll explain everything-”

“You definitely will.” White stepped in front of him, looking him up and down. Now that she had a better look at him (or maybe the Black's panic was just beginning to ease) but she didn't look quite so hostile. More...wary. And confused. Erm. Maybe he hadn't told her enough, after all...

He glanced at Ichirou behind them all. As always, he was a solid presence in Black's life, and as always the nod he gave was as wise as any he could hope for. However, as always, he unfortunately had no idea what the shit that nod was supposed to mean. Go through with it? Listen to White? What?

“...okay, I'll just be a second!” He gave N what he hoped was a comforting smile, then walked around the other side of the house, White following.

As soon as they were there White crossed her arms. “Well?” she whispered.

Black bit his lip. “...okay. Well. You want to know why he's here?” A nod. “Well...he doesn't really have anywhere else to go.”

White stared at him. “Why?”

“W-what do you mean? Why do you think?”

“Why do I _think_?!” She threw her hands up. “Black, I've already told you – I don't think anything! I don't _know_ anything! He was the king of Team Plasma or something, only you were convinced he was going to turn them good, and then afterwards it turns out Team Plasma IS bad – I think – but N is good now?”

“He was always good, he - Urgh.” Black rubbed his forehead. “Okay, I'll...explain it as best I can.” He wracked his mind, trying to think of how best to put it. “He...was the king. Only it was just...like, a ceremonial thing. He didn't actually have any power. He didn't even start it. Ghetsis did.”

“And Ghetsis did everything bad ever and N didn't do anything.”

“Yes.” White was beginning to give him a headache. “He honestly believed everything Team Plasma was about. But he wouldn't have normally! It's just...they manipulated him into believing him. Brainwashed him.”

White stared at him. “If they can brainwash people into believing them, why didn't they do it to more people? Why try to convince them normally?”

Fuck, this was not good. These were N's secrets. What kind of life could he live if people could only trust him if they knew his deepest, darkest secrets...? “It wasn't...” He looked at the ground, then at White. “You cannot tell anyone this, all right? Even Bianca. I know, and Cheren does probably, and maybe Alder...”

White nodded. She still looked wary, but there was a palpable edge of worry there as well. He wondered who she was concerned about.

“I – I still don't feel right telling you everything. It's N's story. But... They had him ever since he was a kid. They deliberately...moulded him.”

White's eye twitched. “They...?”

He could tell she knew what he was going to say. “Ghetsis.”

“But why...?” Her voice was so low Black almost couldn't hear.

“Because...they needed Reshiram.”

Her eyes widened. For a few moments she stared at him, then looked away, hand over her mouth. Finally, without looking at him, she said, “but how do you know for sure...?”

“In the castle, two women told me. And N...when he found out about Team Plasma...” Black closed his eyes. That memory was one he never wanted to relive. “You didn't see him then.”

White swallowed audibly. “Why didn't you tell me-”

“Because it's not my secret. And I've probably told you too much anyway.” He rubbed the back of his hand against his mouth. Fuck. He probably had. He wished he could take it back. But at the same time... N really didn't have anywhere else to go. If there was anything he could do to make it even slightly easier for him to make a home for himself he'd do it.

White was shaking her head. “This is still... So much. So dangerous...”

“Please.” He looked White squarely in the eyes, trying as hard as he could to muster up that passion N was able to evoke so easily. “He doesn't have anywhere else to go.”

White bit her lip. But, she nodded. Black relaxed, and White laughed, covering her eye with her hand. “Fuck, and on Christmas, too...”

“It's a Christmas miracle!”

White glared at him, and Black shrugged, smiling wryly.

“God. I bet you're just standing there thinking 'this is just like in one of my Yamatese animes! I get to spend Christmas with a hot bishie! Thank you, Santa!'”

“When have I ever said the word bishie,” Black muttered, ignoring White's laughter. “And – it really isn't that way! Geez, just because you trust someone doesn't mean it has to be some thing...”

White rolled her eyes, walking away. Black followed, only to freeze when he realised that N was standing nearer to them than he had been before. And that the volume of their speech had risen unconsciously once they stopped talking about secrets. Um.

“Tch, he didn't hear, jesus, relax!” White murmured into his ear, before stepping forward again. N looked at her curiously, and Black spared a moment to glare at her half-heartedly.

“So, how are we going to do this?” White crossed her arms, assessing N.

“Do what?” N asked politely, fiddling slightly with his blanket.

“You can stay over for Christmas,” Black explained, but then immediately froze, wondering whether someone else would object. “P-probably.”

N's eyes widened. “Christmas is tomorrow?”

“...uh, yeah?” White looked at him weirdly, before her expression abruptly changed. “Oh.”

N coughed quietly into his hand. “I...haven't been keeping track of the date.”

Black couldn't help it – as awkward as things had suddenly gotten, and as sad as the entire thing was, he felt suddenly excited. This would be N's first Christmas! He could teach him all about it and get to see him experience the Christmas joy for the first time – it was an amazing opportunity! And it seemed especially fitting that N come to him this night, given that Christmas was traditionally a holiday for lovers in Yamato... (His inner Cheren reminded him that, for Unovans, that could hardly be considered fitting, but he ignored him.)

“Uh,” Black said, and the other two turned to him. “He could stay over our house for tonight? He wouldn't get in the way, I'm sure the others wouldn't mind.”

White looked doubtful. “I dunno.”

“I don't mean to bother anyone,” N said, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “I could always go back to Accumula Town and sleep at the Pokemon Centre.”

“Do you – yeah, right, of course,” Black muttered, glancing behind N where his Zoroark was talking to Ichirou. The beds at pokemon centres were reserved for trainers. If N didn't have a trainer's card (which he almost certainly didn't) he would at least need to show evidence of having a pokemon. Pokemon centres usually required that pokemon be kept in their balls, though, so Black wondered how he handled that. “Uh, he could sleep on the floor, I guess.”

“That would be fine. But I really wouldn't mind going.”

Black sighed. “N...Christmas is about giving and doing good things for other people-”

“Which is why I would rather not be a bother.”

“It's also why you should accept this kind thing we're trying to do for you!” Black insisted. “Seriously, how hard is it to lend you one of our beds? And-”

“Bed?” White said dryly.

“I can sleep on the sofa! And, um, we always cook too much, anyway!”

N looked away. “I don't want to force you.”

“You're not forcing us! We want to help you!” Black pursed his lips. Why was he being so stubborn? Unless...

He faltered. He guess if _he_ didn't really have any other friends – or anyone else who cared about him at all – he'd probably be careful about asking too much of them, too.

“Please. N.” He stepped forward, looking into N's eyes. “Have Christmas with us.”

N looked around, but finally sighed. “Fine,” he said shortly, hugging his blanket tighter to him.

“Geez, it's cold out here, isn't it?” Black rubbed his arms, feeling the loss of his jacket. “We should get inside.” Black reached forward, hesitating at the last moment. Should he touch him? Would that be weird? Losing his nerve suddenly, he made an odd swerving motion towards the door, off-balancing slightly. He thought he heard White smother a chuckle beside him and ignored her, gripping the doorknob.

For all that he'd assured N that no-one would mind if he joined them, Black's anxieties had returned. Christmas as supposed to be a family thing...which was exactly why it felt so cruel to send him away, but it was also why it felt so strange inviting him in. Christmas was supposed to be about having fun and relaxing with people you know really well – bringing a strange man (both in terms of being a stranger and in terms of being unusual) into that would make things awkward.

His hand left the knob and White walked through instead, closing the door behind them. Black refused to turn around, knowing what look he'd see on N's face.

“Erm...well, here we go.” He opened the door, walking through, and N followed him.

Juniper was standing by the door and looked up immediately. “Black, you-” She paused as she saw N, her eyes widening.

“Er, Professor Juniper, this is N. N, this is Professor Juniper. She studies pokemon here, and taught us when we were kids.”

Juniper looked at N intently. “Nice to meet you,” she said, shaking his hand.

N nodded stiffly. “You as well.”

Juniper turned her gaze to Black, almost looking at him threateningly. He shrugged helplessly and glanced at N, who blinked at him before pulling off his blanket, leaving it, Black's jacket, and his bag by the door. “Uh, I was thinking of letting him stay over here for Christmas?”

Juniper pursed her lips. “Well, you'd have to ask the parents.”

“I know. I will.”

Cordy came rushing up to Black, jumping at his legs. Now that she was a Stoutland she was a lot heavier than she used to be and Black stumbled. “Heh, easy, there!”

“Hello. It's nice to meet you. Well...properly, this time,” N said. For a moment Black was confused, but then he realised that N was talking to Cordy.

Cordy instantly rushed over to N, licking at him and putting her paws on his legs when he crouched down. “Stout! Stoutland!”

Blakc smiled. Cordy had faced up against N as well, of course, and had been his best check to him during their fight after the Ferris Wheel, but of all of his pokemon he should have known Cordy would never hold a grudge against him.

“Yes. I...apologise for my behaviour back then. I promise to try better now.”

It was still so strange to watch N talking to pokemon like that as though their nonsense words made sense to him. He was abruptly reminded of a thought that had gone through his head way back when he had first met N, when he'd asked N to explain to him why Ichirou and Cordy weren't getting along. He should get N to interpret for his pokemon some more.

He realised Juniper was watching them and turned. Her oddly soft expression changed when she noticed he was watching, to be replaced by one of concern. “How much do they know?” she asked him quietly.

Black hesitated. “A...bit. But...I don't think it really matters now.”

Juniper nodded. She looked a little tired. Black felt another stab of guilt, but tried to push it away. He'd done what he thought was right. And he had been right. Mostly. Somewhat.

Suddenly Cheren's father was in front of them. “Hello, who's this?”

“Er, this is N. Actually...”

“Everyone!” Juniper called out, smiling encouragingly. “We have a visitor.”

Everyone in the room turned. Black blushed; he was never comfortable being the center of attention. N looked even worse. Cheren's eyes widened as he saw them; Bianca, sitting next to White, was already looking at N in confusion.

“...um. Everyone, this is N. Uh, he hasn't really got anywhere else to go right now, so I thought maybe he could stay here for tonight?”

“Well, of course!” Black's mom said immediately, smiling at N. “No-one should be alone on Christmas.”

“Damn straight,” called Cheren's mom, nodding.

“I don't see why not,” her husband agreed.

“If you're a friend of Black's, you're a friend of ours,” Bianca's dad added with a thoughtful frown.

Black looked back and forth, eyes wide. Everyone...was really okay with this? He blinked rapidly. They truly were showing the Christmas spirit!

“Thank you, everyone!” he said, fists clenched tightly.

“But where will he stay?” his mom asked.

“If I slept on the couch tonight, N could sleep on – in my room?”

“I don't mind sleeping on the couch,” N cut in. “Since I've been travelling around, I've slept in much worse places.”

Black opened his mouth to protest but his mother beat him to it. “Well, that's all the more reason to give you a comfortable place to sleep tonight, right?”

“Yeah!” he added.

N frowned. “But I'm already intruding so much already...”

Mom shook her head. “There's no such thing on Christmas.”

N slumped. Black grinned, realising that their determined spirit was starting to get to him. “Okay.”

“Um...” Bianca stood before them, wringing her hands. Cheren was behind her, expression blank.

Black's heart lurched. Of all of them, he'd been most worried about her. After N had said something so mean to her...

N seemed to realise that as well and flinched. “Uh, hello. I, um-”

“I'm so sorry!” Bianca suddenly cried. Black almost did a double-take. “I'm so sorry we didn't believe you, that we thought Black was just – that Team Plasma -”

“You had every right to think that!” N replied earnestly. “You were only responding to my actions, which deserved to be judged. I'm the one who's sorry for making things so difficult for you-”

“No, no! You were only doing what you thought was right! We were the ones who judged you too quickly-”

“No, I was the one doing that! I immediately judged you all just based on the fact that you were pokemon trainers, not on who you were-”

“But we were pokemon trainers, and there were a lot of pokemon trainers out there who were hurting pokemon, so it only makes sense-”

“What she means is, we're sorry.” White appeared behind them, putting an arm around Bianca's waist. “And you appear to be as well. So I think we're done here!”

“Definitely,” Cheren said dryly, and everyone chuckled.

N still looked sad. “But I said some truly awful things.”

“You did,” Cheren replied bluntly. “But...I don't think you're a bad person.” White and Bianca glanced at him – clearly both had expected him to be the hardest to win over. With a twisted frown, White sighed, looking away.

“You are all very kind,” N said quietly.

“Yep,” White said, smiling slightly. N looked like he didn't know whether he was supposed to laugh or not.

“Besides, it's Christmas!” Black added, trying to restore the mood.

Cheren rolled his eyes. “Wow, really? Because I've been living under a rock for a year and had no idea it was Christmas tomorrow.” N made an odd gesture which everyone ignored. “Especially since you keep reminding us of it. _All the freaking time_.”

“Well...it is!” Black huffed, cheeks heating a little. “Christmastime is special, isn't it?”

“Of course!” Bianca enthused. “It's the most special time of the year, when everyone gets together to have fun and be good together!” Cheren rolled his eyes even more dramatically and White laughed, leaning her head on Bianca's shoulder.

“Exactly!” Black clasped Bianca's hands, looking earnestly into her eyes. “At least someone understands me!”

Bianca giggled cheerfully. “Yeah!”

White held on to Bianca tighter, pulling her closer to her. “Okay, that's enough of that conversation then. You two are getting far too close...”

“Aw, you know I'll always love you the most, Whitey!” Bianca said, kissing her cheek.

“'Whitey...?'” Cheren repeated, but White was kissing Bianca on the lips and Black was watching them with a sappy smile and N was watching them with an oddly serious expression so everyone ignored him.

Black turned back to N, who gave him a weak smile. “Shall I show you around?”

“Please.”

They walked around the house, Black pointing out the various decorations and introducing him to the different people and pokemon. N spent a particularly long time talking to Linda, Black's Chinccino, though Black had already surmised enough of her rather controlling personality to not be surprised when N spent about twenty minutes apparently answering questions. Only then did Linda finally let them go, darting over to Ichirou to impart all the information she had learned. Black struggled to ignore their heavy glances.

“And this is my room!” Black opened the door, heart pounding in his chest for a moment as he wondered whether it would be very messy. But then they were going inside and okay, it was a bit messy, but not as much as White's and N didn't seem to mind anyway. N turned around, looking up and down at the room, eyes travelling over his TV (just a regular non-holographic one) to his bookcase (filled with manga, mostly) and his Fate Testarossa figurine. Black fell silent, slowly realising how weird it was to have N in his bedroom. Of all the places in the world, this was the most his own. It felt like it was part of himself, somehow. Plus, there was the inherent innuendo in N being in his bedroom, but he tried to ignore that.

“It is nice.”

Black frowned. “Oh.”

“I mean...I like it.”

“Oh!” Black brightened. He abruptly realised that music was still playing from his computer and turned it off. When he turned around, N was sitting down on his bed, looking at his desk.

“Everyone here is...very kind.”

Black looked around, trying to think of what to say. “Well, yeah. But I think most people are, and it really isn't a bother at all.”

“They are. Most people, I mean.” N looked around again, then turned to look out the window at the snow. “This is the first year I saw snow.”

“Oh.” Black hesitantly walked over to the bed. “Do you...like it?”

“It serves as a good habitat for many pokemon. I wonder how those who live in the snow deal in summer, however.”

Black sat down. “Well, it depends, I guess. Ichirou comes from further north, so he's pretty uncomfortable in really hot weather, but I can just keep him in his pokeball most of the time. He doesn't always like that, though, 'cause then he can't hear what's going on and have a say. Nina, my Vanilluxe, is better – she doesn't really mind, so I just take her out so she can talk to the other pokemon and fight occasionally and she's happy.”

“Pokemon are very complicated. No two are the same.”

“Same with people, I guess.”

N blinked, and the expression on his face was familiar somehow. It took Black a few seconds to realise it. It was the same look he'd had when N had told him about the beauty of the ferris wheel and Black had responded that it was amazing what pokemon and humans could accomplish together. He resisted the urge to facepalm, only now understanding why N had seemed to find that a weird thing to say.

“That is true.”

“What do you think of my friends?”

“I apologise again for my behaviour towards them-”

“N, you don't need to keep apologising.” Black waved his hand, smiling a little. It was actually a little cute. “I assure you: we get it.”

“Oh. Well...I find them...confusing.”

“Really? How?”

N bit his lip, fiddling with his clothing. “I don't really know what to say to them.”

“I think most people are like that when you first meet them. Especially if there's a bunch that already know each other. I'd probably end up hovering nervously on the sidelines, too.”

“Really?” Black expected N to continue, but he fell silent again.

“...so, uh, what do you know about Christmas?”

“It is a holiday celebrated on the 25th of December every year. It began with the birth of Jesus Christ, the prophet of Christianity, the most dominant religion in Unova, but it is not only celebrated by Christians. It typically involves the giving of gifts to one's friends and families and spending time together. Common themes include: Christmas-themed songs known as 'carols', decorated pine trees, a mythical present-giving being known as 'Santa', etc.”

Black blinked. “Wow. Uh, you know a lot.”

“Only what I have picked up. It is a very popular holiday.”

Black frowned. He'd forgotten about the present situation. He didn't have anything for N at all. Sure, N didn't have anything for him, either, but that was hardly the point! It would have been really awesome and romantic if he had gotten something for him just in case, but honestly the thought hadn't even occurred to him that N might return before Christmas.

He'd have to do something.

“Ah-”

“Dinner's ready!” called Charlie, and Black jumped up. Together, they walked downstairs and towards the overly-large table that had been set up in the living room. White sent him a piercing look when she saw them come from upstairs, but Black ignored her. He was distracted by the veritable feast on the table before them – roast Unfeazant, mashed potato, vegetables with cream sauce, baked Grumpig, gravy, potato bake - his mom and Charlie had truly outdone themselves again this year!

Black was about to head towards a chair when he realised that N wasn't moving. He looked over and the look of pain on his face sent a stab through Black's heart.

“What's-” For the hundredth time that night, Black felt the urge to slap himself. Duh! It was so obvious! Of course N would be horrified at the idea of eating pokemon! And to see that Black, whom he usually admired, did it as well... All of a sudden Black felt incredibly guilty at the idea of eating any meat.

“I'm so sorry!” He waved his hands. “Uh, that's just, um, tradition, and....” Oh god, he wasn't helping, was he?

N shook his head. “It's fine.” Stiffly, he sat down next to Bianca's mother, turning away from the meat. Black glanced back and forth. N had a good reason to feel that way... But it all looked so delicious, and how could it be Christmas without Unfeazant? But wasn't that a really weak argument if pokemon were being hurt?

“Any Unfeazant?” asked Mom cheerfully, offering the plate around. Looking white, N shook his head. White caught Black's eye over the table and winced; Black shrugged his shoulders looking recalcitrant.

“How are your pokemon going in this weather?” Juniper asked on Black's other side and he turned around.

“Ichirou and Nina are ecstatic, of course. I'm pretty sure Hotman's actually inside the fireplace at this point, but he seems happy enough, and the rest of them are pretty content as long as they stay inside. And even if we do go out, they work up a sweat battling. Summer's worse, I think.”

Juniper nodded wisely. “Yes, Lizzie's been pretty good as well.” She looked around. “There, on the couch with Linda.” The Patrat and Chinccino were cuddled close against a cushion, eyes closed.

“Wow, they're pretty close, aren't they?”

“I wonder if there isn't something of a romance going on,” Juniper said with a chuckle, and Black snorted. At this point, he was more than used to his pokemon getting into all sorts of strange romantic entanglements. (Or what seemed romantic, anyway. It was hard to tell, sometimes. Akane and Pomona had definitely just been friends, but Nora and Ichirou?) Nor was it the first time a pokemon of his had turned out to be less heterosexual than he'd expected. Apparently that was normal for them. He'd wondered ever since what N's feelings on the subject were, but it hadn't yet come up (Iris had tried to ask at one point but thankfully the blatant wink beforehand had tipped him off enough that he'd been able to change the subject quickly) and he was too nervous to raise it himself.

The conversation went on, and Black almost forgot about N beside him. Only ten minutes later when talk lulled and Professor Juniper turned to join in with White and Charlie's discussion of next year's football season and Black had eaten a good fill of Unfeazant and potatoes did he turn back to N.

He was silent. He picked at his plate, scraping the cheese sauce from his vegetables. Black felt awful.

“So, N,” he said suddenly, and N jumped, turning to him.

Black stalled. What should he say? Shit, he was always terrible at this sort of thing.

“Um...do you watch any sports?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Black coughed.

“...do you?”

Black shrugged. “A little! I don't really pay a lot of attention to it, but White and Charlie are always going on about it, and it's kind of nice to tune in every now and then, isn't it? Just...listening to the TV while you do something else, and hear their reactions, you know?”

N stared at him. “Oh.”

Black chewed a forkfull of potato bake. N looked around the room.

“...so! Um.” A thought! “How's your Zoroark going?”

N brightened visibly. “She is happy. When I first left she was very worried about the idea of going out into the world, but now we're sort of used to it, I think. She quite enjoys getting to meet all different sorts of pokemon. She always liked the idea of protecting others, and she still does, even if it's a bit more difficult now. There aren't too many people to fight anymore.” N put a hand to his chin thoughtfully and looked over to where she, Ichirou, and Zamal were sitting by the Christmas tree. “She isn't an Ice type, but her thick fur insulates her well against the weather. And...she seems to have taken a shine to your pokemon.”

“Does she have a name?”

N nodded. “Yes, when we first met she was already in possession of self-awareness enough that she referred to herself in a particular manner. However, this name is...impossible to translate.”

Black smiled wryly. “Let me guess – it's 'Zoroark'.”

N looked at him blankly. “No, that means 'trash heap'. Her name is 'Zoroark'.”

Black stared at N. N stared back.

“Did you...just make a joke?” Black said cautiously.

N looked worried. “Was it a bad one?”

Black burst into laughter. This was too much, this was just too much. He leaned over his plate, head in his hands. N had made a joke. N had – _made_. A _joke_.

He realised that a few people were looking at him – including N, who seemed slightly pleased and mostly rather startled – and coughed. “No, no, that was good.”

“Oh. Good.”

“Yeah.” Black rubbed at his face. “Er, wait. Does that mean that giving pokemon different names is bad? Should I be calling them 'Samurott' and 'Simisear' and the like?”

“No, your pokemon are well used to their names by now. And...giving pokemon names is not always a bad thing.”

“Er, what do you mean?”

“Do you remember when we first met and you asked me what your pokemon were thinking?” Black nodded. That had been back at the very beginning of his journey, a little after he had caught Cordy, back when she was just a little Lillipup. Back then, his two pokemon had been very difficult – Cordy had been skittish and quiet to alarming levels, while Ichirou had been very disdainful of any action that didn't involve training. Worse, they hadn't just avoided him, but also each other, refusing to communicate at all despite Black's encouragement. After he had brought Cordy home and his mother had shared her story about how she, too, had had a Lillipup whom she had adored until he died to a Mienshao over the other side of Isshu, she had given him advice about handling her, and Cordy had been a lot less scared of Black. But Cordy and Ichirou hadn't been any better to each other, to the point where Black was beginning to feel a bit hopeless. So when Black had met N and realised he could talk to pokemon, he been very eager to find out what the problem was and asked N to translate.

“You said, uh, that Ichirou felt like he wasn't taken seriously because he was just an Oshawott, and wanted to train so he could become a Samurott and be considered strong. And that Cordy was kind of bullied before, so she was really shy. And then after that they liked each other a lot more. I guess because they felt they kind of had something in common?” Black shrugged. “What does that have to do with names?”

“Ichirou also said that he liked you because you had given him a name that connoted respect and strength instead of something silly and cute.”

Black blinked. “Uh, really? Wow, I never even knew that. I just figured that since Samurott seemed to be based on samurai and all, I should give him a name like that.”

“Nevertheless, it clearly made an impact on him that you were able to discern his feelings, even if subconsciously.”

Black frowned helplessly. “But that wasn't really any kind of special insight. I really wasn't thinking of his personality at all when I gave him that name – I'd only just gotten him. All I really knew was that he didn't seem to like me that much at first.”

“That is why I said 'subconsciously'.” N's green eyes glittered as though in challenge.

Black opened his mouth to argue but shook his head. “Whatever.” He turned back to his food. When he picked up another piece of creamy potato bake he paused with the fork part-way to his mouth, but then continued. N and Black didn't talk for the rest of the meal.

Dinner finished, and everyone dispersed into groups again. Black went off on his own by the fire, saying hello to Hotman, his Simisear, and Wendy, his Reuniclus. Looking out of the corner of his eye he saw N hover around, wandering around the room to hover at conversations and look at the presents under the tree, all without saying a word. When N returned a short time later, Black couldn't bring himself to be annoyed. Yeah, N was hard to deal with at the moment, but N didn't really know anyone else there right now. It wasn't like he could just ignore him – that would be awkward even if N were comfortable around other people.

At least, N seemed to realise that Black didn't want to talk – or perhaps he simply didn't know how to start a conversation himself – and the two sat in mostly in silence with the pokemon, occasionally sharing words with one of them.

Soon it was time for dessert – delicious apple pie and chocolate mousse, the former of which N was fortunately able to eat. Afterwards, they watched the same clichéd Christmas movie they saw every year, and then Bianca, Cheren, their parents, and Juniper were leaving for the night.

Black waved a final time as White closed the door. The house seemed suddenly very quiet, the lights half off and the fire crackling in the fireplace.

“Well, you know where the blankets and pillows are, don't you Black?” his mother asked cheerfully. “I'm sure you can set up the couch by yourself.”

Black nodded.

White stretched. “Ahh, I always get excited around this point...!”

“I know. Whenever I was younger I could barely sleep on Christmas Eve. Not that I was as bad as you...”

“Hey, that was only one time! And I didn't wake you up _that_ much.”

“Yeah...only at eleven, one, two, four, and five o'clock...”

“It was really boring just staying awake like that!”

“If you go to bed later does that mean we won't have to get up as early?” their mother said hopefully.

“Nope!” they both answered instantly, then laughed.

“Besides, we have to go to bed before twelve. Otherwise Santa can't come!”

“I thought Santa wasn't real?” N said, somewhat quietly.

White gasped theatrically. “He's _not_?!”

Black rolled his eyes. “He isn't. It's just fun to pretend, though!”

“Geez, Black, don't just tell him that!” White complained, hands on her hips.

“What? I'm not just going to tell N that Santa is real!” Black said, genuinely horrified. White just laughed.

Mom pursed her lips. “Actually, Black, maybe you should go upstairs for a bit?”

“Why – oh. Yeah, sure. I'll come down in ten minutes to set up my bed, then?”

“Mmhm!”

“Well, I guess I'll just go to bed then,” White said. “Good night, everyone!”

They exchanged goodnights, White going upstairs to her room and Mom through the door to her bedroom on the ground floor, and after a minute or so Black and N also went upstairs.

“Um, why do you need to go up here?” N asked as they opened the door.

“Because mom needs to put out the presents. She's Santa, after all.” Black gestured towards the bed, then moved to take his pajamas from the floor. “You'll sleep here then. Uh, did you want some pajamas or something?” He scrutinised N. He definitely looked too tall for anything Black would have.

Then all of a sudden he was imagining N wearing his clothes again. That – that was a far more favorable mental image than it should at all have been.

Except this time he was a little slow to talk himself out of it. So now he was imagining N wearing one of his shirts – which was, inexplicably, too big for N rather than too small – and N looking at him with wide eyes. “Black?” he said innocently, his long green hair falling messily forward...

N's voice cut through his daydream. “No, I'll be fine.”

Black fought back a blush. “Seriously? I wouldn't mind, really.”

N shook his head. “It's not too cold in here.”

Black frowned. Was he just going to wear the same clothes tonight and tomorrow? Really, he wouldn't doubt that of him. But then N's words got through to him properly and his eyes widened. Was N...going to take off his clothes? Sleeping just in his underwear?

Yeah there was pretty much no way he was going to be able to not imagine that. There was N, lying back on his bed, smiling at him with a sultry expression, hand on his stomach, just above his black silk boxers. “Black...”

“Uh, sure.” Black shook his head, wondering which fantasy was more unlikely. He suspected it was actually the second one. Though maybe that was just wishful thinking? (Seriously, how on earth had he ever fallen for a guy?)

“Where do your pokemon sleep?”

“In their balls, mostly. If we're somewhere comfortable like home a lot of them like to sleep on the floor or couch, though, and sometimes they sleep together. Er, like, actual sleeping, I mean.”

N looked out the window. “Tomorrow will be my first Christmas.”

Black softened. “Yeah,” he said quietly.

“I'm glad to spend it with you.”

All of a sudden Black clammed up. What should he say? Did N realise what he was saying? Was Black imagining all of this? He tried to force himself to say something but couldn't think of anything.

But then N was sitting on the bed, pulling off his shoes. Black swallowed.

“Uh, I can probably go downstairs now.”

N looked at the door. “Are you sure Santa will be done?”

Black stifled a laugh. “Yeah, it doesn't really take that long.” He heard the sound of a door closing downstairs. “See? I think that was her.”

N nodded. “Well, good night.”

“Night, N,” Black said, sparing a moment to smile a little at being able to say that. “Sweet dreams.”

“Don't let the bed bugs bite,” N said seriously, and Black had to smother another giggle.

“You, too!” Finally he closed the door, breathing out. After a moment he trouped downstairs, fetching the blanket and a pillow and went to the sofa. It was pretty big so it wouldn't be too uncomfortable, and he didn't really mind if it was only for one night.

There, Pyotr and Pomona the Swanna and Leavanny were lying next to each other on one side, while on the other Cordy lay over Hotman's lap. Black smiled to see them. It was always great to meet new friends, and it always amazed him to see how well his pokemon all got along. Pyotr and Pomona had been great friends ever since the former had comforted the latter after Akane's death (it had hit them all hard but Pomona, who had evolved precisely because of the kindness the Darumaka had shown her, had been particularly distraught), while Cordy and Hotman had been two of Black's oldest pokemon and had been friends ever since (Cordy loved to sleep on top of just about everyone, but particularly liked Hotman's warmth). Pyotr was even wearing a little santa hat Pomona had made for him out of a couple of leaves. Black touched the small leaf bracelet he had worn ever since Pomona had first given it to him back in Pinwheel Forest and smiled.

“Time to wake up,” he said quietly, crouching down by the bed. Pyotr, Pomona, and Hotman all woke up easily, but, as expected, Cordy continued to snooze as heavily as ever. Chuckling to himself, Black picked her up, holding her to his chest as Hotman leapt off. “Night, everyone!”

“Simi!” “Swan!” and “Van!” were his answers.

Black moved to place the sleeping Cordy on the ground, but then changed his mind. He sat down on the couch, placing her beside him, and changed. That done, he placed his clothes to the side and got up to see if any of his pokemon wished to return to their ball for the night. Only a couple were still awake and most were happy where they were, so Black returned to the couch and settled down, pulling the blanket over him. He rested Cordy on his chest; still she slept on.

The fire still crackled on his right. He should really turn off the gas, but for a few moments he lay there in the warmth, eyes closed. Finally he had time to think.

What the fuck was he doing?

Seriously. What. The fuck.

He groaned, hiding his face in his hands. All afternoon he had felt like he was running on a treadmill, trying harder and harder just to stay in one place. Was this what it took to be N's friend? It was exhausting. For the smallest second, he was very tempted to just run away and never contact N ever again just so he wouldn't have to go through all the trouble. Except that was an utterly stupid idea for every reason ever and he hated himself a little for even thinking it.

It was just... It wasn't as though he hadn't expected it would be awkward. He had trusted it, even counted on it. Awkward was okay. Awkward was cute! That whole thing where two people are friends but don't know each other perfectly and – and maybe one person likes them a bit more, except normally it's the both of them but whatever, and they're all kind of trying really hard but still oddly weird around each other – he liked that! It was adorable! It was fun to watch!

But it was hard. It was hard and he had no idea whether he was doing it right, or if there was a right way to do it after all. Maybe it wasn't supposed to be awkward.

And, well...a part of him really hadn't expected to be that way. Maybe at first, yeah, but after that he just kinda figured they'd get used to each other and know what to do. This was just...weird. He kept expecting it to happen – that they'd kinda bang up against each other a bit but then they'd connect in the right places and just click, and oh dear that metaphor sounded pretty wrong but he knew what he meant. They'd hover a bit but then they'd find their places against one another and everything would be smooth.

Because this was new to him. He and N had known each other for months now, but this was the first time they'd been this way with each other. Whenever Black had been going through the pokemon league, they hadn't known each other well, and at first Black had seen someone who was a little strange but kind-hearted and tried to befriend him and then the whole thing had quickly spiralled out of control and soon Black was mooning over him ridiculously but N was acting weirder and weirder and then he was the king of Team Plasma and everyone was still warning him against N but Black still refused to believe them and clung to his ideas and he had to keep telling them that it wasn't like that, he didn't have a thing for him, because if they thought that Black only trusted him because he had a crush they never would have believed that N was truly good, even if in retrospect that's probably exactly what happened.

But there had always been that one thing connecting them. They were...well, special to each other. For Black, N had kept up that idea that Black was somehow different to other pokemon trainers. Which Black still didn't really believe even now, but it had been...a nice thought. For a guy who'd grown up in a tiny village – did Nuvema town even count as that? - with a twin who'd started her pokemon journey before him and who spent most of his time watching anime and daydreaming...well, that wasn't nothing to him. And for N, Black had been one of the few people (only person?) who really trusted him and genuinely cared about him. And Black didn't think that was nothing either. He'd even said that to Cheren once – that as long as you can know that someone is fighting for you, you're not truly alone – and even at the time he was grateful that Cheren didn't realise that he was just quoting Puella Magi Madoka Magica, because that definitely would have gotten him yelled at. (More than it already did, anyway.)

And then it had all come to a head. And after so much time of misunderstanding each other and trying to understand each other and thinking they understood each other but being wrong, after that awful time when Black had found out the truth and N had fought him, eyes wild, shoulders hunched like a cornered pokemon, and then Ghetsis, just everything about Ghetsis... there had been that one time when they had truly, fully understood each other. And emotions had been running high and Ghetsis and Christopher and... But then they had just been able to look each other in the eyes and say it, say it all, and knew that they meant it, and it had been so...

...and. Well. He'd kind of thought maybe that would continue.

It was stupid, he knew it. He'd told himself it would be awkward. He knew it would be. But they had understood each other, and now it was like he was back to square one, only this was nothing like the actual square one had been, so it was like they were in some completely different place he didn't know about and he had to figure out how to get back there again, which had been hard enough the first time, and...

It was hard. In movies and stuff, when people did hard things, you just saw clips of it here or there to music, and then they were breathing hard and smiling and happy. It didn't really seem hard at all. But in real life, you did have to keep going and doing little things and doing it over and over and he knew movies and anime weren't real life, he knew that, only sometimes it was, and how was he supposed to know the difference?

He moved his hands and glanced at the tree. Fuck. He still had no idea what to do for N's present. Make him a card? Except he sucked at drawing and all his stuff was in his room, anyway. He definitely didn't have any time to buy anything. And he couldn't just randomly give N something from his house...

“Hey.”

Black jumped, but it was just White standing there at the foot of the stairs. She leaned against the wall, shadows making her expression hard to divulge. She was wearing cutesy Ducklett pajamas that were not her style at all and which she was clearly only wearing because Bianca had given them to her. That she was not at all uncomfortable and would cheerfully admit to the reasoning if asked was something Black actually found kind of admirable.

“Yeah?”

White shifted. “How are things going?”

Black sighed, leaning back and looking at the ceiling. “I don't think I've screwed anything up _completely_.”

“That sounds like an achievement to me. Not that I'm saying anything about you,” she added as Black glared at her, “just...you know.”

Black shrugged. “It's kinda hard to know what there is to screw up at the moment.”

White moved forward, leaning against the other end of the sofa. “Oh, don't say that. You're clearly friends at least. He trusts you a hell of a lot.”

“It's not like he has much choice. It's either stick around with me or go it alone.”

“Hasn't he been doing that for the last few months? It's not like he can't.”

“Can't do it forever.”

“Hm.” White scratched her nose. “You're being dramatic.”

Black glared at her for real this time. “Thanks.”

“Sorry. But...” She looked around. “I thought this was the kind of thing you wanted? Those dark, moh-ay girls with _tragic pasts_ who cry all the time and can't do anything for themselves and secretly just want a friend deep down?”

“It's ' _moe_ ', and it's not like Bianca is all that much different.”

“Yeah, but she's actually my girlfriend. And I don't pretend otherwise.”

Black closed his eyes. “What do you want? It's not like I've given up. I'm just...finding it harder than I expected.”

“I don't want anything. I just thought you might like to talk to someone about it. You're not exactly good at that.”

“I'm kind of unhappy on Christmas Eve, so you come down here and insult me? Wonderful,” Black said, but there was no venom in his voice. “I find it hard enough to figure out my thoughts just to myself, let alone put them into words.”

“Then stop thinking so much. Works for me.”

“So, what, I just do whatever I want and hope it works out? I don't think I can do that. This...matters to me. A lot. And it matters to him. I can't just forget that.”

White paused, then humphed. “Well, okay. I guess I have to admit I have no idea what to tell you. I'd advise you not to treat the world like you're in an anime, but...that hasn't exactly always failed in the past.”

Black was quiet.

“So...I dunno. Just keep going, I guess. You know, it's kind of amazing – you actually managed to find someone more socially clueless than you are.”

“Again with the insults.”

“What I mean is, it could have ended horribly. Like total crash and burn. But you're actually not doing too badly. Neither of you are. You're both trying, and for now, I guess that's something.”

Black opened his mouth to tease her, but the words didn't come. “Thanks.”

White grinned. “No problem. You listened to my whining about Bianca enough that I owe you this at least, I think.”

“Seriously, you have it easy – I had to listen to it from both sides. And Cheren being, well, _Cheren_ , both of you _had_ to go to me.”

“Actually, I did talk with Cheren a bit. He's not as bad at it as you might think.”

“Yeah. He actually isn't.” Black rolled his eyes, sighing theatrically. “Why are people so complicated?”

White smirked. “Because life would be really boring any other way?”

“Maybe.” Black smiled.

“Well, I should go back to bed now, I guess. Can't have mom sleeping in on Christmas Day, can we?”

“No way. And...thanks. And sorry.”

White stood up but paused. “Sorry? For what?”

“Huh?” Black shifted uncomfortably. “Uh, you know, just...being a bother?”

White rolled her eyes. “Geez, only you would apologise for getting a bit testy when your friend slash crush who used to be the head of this big criminal organisation that you were fighting against – okay actually scratch it, you're the only one who would get into a situation like that in the first place.”

Black chuckled. “Good night, White.”

White waved as she began to ascend the stairs. “Night, Black!”

Black listened to her walk up, thinking. Was he worrying about this too much? But worrying had never served him wrong in the past – if he hadn't worried and trained so much, he was certain that much less of his pokemon would have survived for so long against such difficult opponents. Well, okay, there was that time he'd been distracted about N and Nora had – but that didn't really apply now, because it wasn't like this whole thing about N was going to be distracting him about something else important.

He petted Cordy absent-mindedly. Near the fire, Hotman and Pomona were asleep. The sound of their breathing was both comforting and worrying. Even now, he occasionally doubted his ability to take care of his pokemon. He knew heaps of other people managed it, but that didn't necessarily mean he could.

His hand stalled on Cordy's head. He remembered back months ago, after he had defeated Elesa. It had been a difficult fight – Cordy had been doing a lot of work. With the eviolite she had been able to take a lot of hits, but wasn't quite powerful enough yet to defeat Elesa's Zebstrika in one hit. Every time she summoned up her affection for Black and pounded a Return at it, it would be badly hurt, but just not enough that Elesa couldn't heal it with a full restore. After three times of this happening, Black knew he had to think of something else. So, when the Zebstrika Volt Changed and Cordy defeated the last Emolga, Black eagerly switched to Akane, trusting the young Darumaka to do the job. Her attacks weren't as strong as Cordy's, but her strength was far better. However, there was a risk. Akane's defences were also much lower, and she wasn't nearly fast enough to outspeed the Zebstrika. If she could do just a bit more damage than Cordy, she'd be able to knock it out in one hit and win the battle, but if she didn't manage it, there would be trouble.

However, when Black had looked at her moves, he'd realised how much of a risk it truly was. Cordy's Return was extremely powerful, and none of Akane's attacks even came close to it in terms of power. None of them, that is, except Thrash. With it, the extra 20 power and Akane's greater strength should hopefully be more than enough to finally put the Zebstrika down. However, if anything at all went wrong, Akane would be too full of furious energy to stop attacking, and Black wouldn't have time to heal her or bring Cordy out again.

He stared down at the young pokemon. She had so much raw power within her.

Clenching his fist, he called the attack.

The Zebstrika had attacked first, of course. The Spark was swift and brutal, immediately taking out more than half of Akane's health. Heart in his throat, Black watched. Akane summoned her rage, drawing on the strength her species granted her. For the first time, she fought at her full power. And then she attacked, unleashing a barrage of kicks and punches and throws the likes of which Black had never seen before. When she was done, the Zebstrika was nothing but a heap on the floor.

Black's eyes were glued open. He couldn't swallow. Was it done? Had he managed it?

For a few moments, no-one said a word.

But it twitched. And then, slowly, as though every movement was pain, the Zebstrika lifted its head and front paw.

Black was frozen. His hands shook. He reached for the pokedex, pointing it at the Zebstrika. At first it seemed that there must have been a mistake – there was no health left. But then he saw it – the tiniest sliver of a red bar. It was still awake.

“No!” he cried out, dropping the pokedex to the ground and scrabbling for Akane's pokeball, but it was too late – she couldn't be recalled. She rushed towards the Zebstrika again, eyes wild and unseeing. The Zebstrika lifted its heavy front paw and stomped, the electrical impulse shooting outwards and hitting Akane head-on.

This was no ordinary knock-out.

Elesa had tried to stop the battle, even tried to award Black the badge anyway. But Black had merely returned Akane to her ball. He knew from Nora that at this stage there was no point in going to a Pokemon Centre. Instead, he threw out another ball.

Almost immediately, Cordy was paralysed. And yet, muscles spasming, body like lead, unable to move for several rounds, Cordy still managed it. She defeated it.

It wasn't the first time Black had lost a pokemon, nor the last. But it was the first time he had thought about it – really, truly thought about it – and battled as well as he possibly could have and still lost. In retrospect, he saw his mistakes. But hindsight was 20/20. He hadn't fought perfectly. But he hadn't fought stupidly. Sometimes, you tried as hard as you could, and you still failed.

Black stroked Cordy's head, blinking away at the moisture in his eyes. At that time, he hadn't known what to do. Just a week or so ago he had been calling everyone for advice about Nora, and here he was again. He didn't know if he could go through that whole rigmarole of wailing and weeping again. He just felt tired. So, he had let Cordy out, thanking her for her part in the battle, for trying so hard to help him. And Cordy? She had just sat there and smiled at him and petted him, before falling asleep entirely on his chest, and he had never known anything so comforting.

Probably Cordy wasn't the best one to go to for advice. Pyotr would know all about that much better, or even Linda. But he couldn't think of anyone better to turn to for encouragement.

“Hey,” he murmured, ruffling the fur on her head. After a few long moments, Cordy's eyes blinked open. Black didn't feel bad for waking her – unless they were travelling or training, the Stoutland was almost always asleep. She thumped her heavy tail against him as she awoke, stretching her paws.

“So, uh, I wanted to ask you something?”

Cordy nodded. She wasn't the most intelligent pokemon he had, but she was clearly able to understand more than just the simple commands he gave during battle. He wonder what she talked about with N.

“Sorry, this is a bit weird...” he chuckled. Because it was. What was he doing, asking his Stoutland for relationship advice? What would she tell him, to go pee on N or something?

“But, um...you know N?” Cordy nodded. “What do you think about him?” Cordy wagged her tail excitedly, letting out a loud “Stout!” that Black quickly 'shush'ed. “Heh, that's good. So, um. I sort of want to become friends with him, but I'm not really sure how to do that. Well, okay, we're already friends, but I want to...keep doing that? I guess?” Cordy continued to nod as though this all made perfect sense to her. Black was beginning to wonder whether Stoutlands associated nodding with agreement like humans did in Unova. Maybe it really meant 'you're rambling' or 'I'm hungry' or 'death to all humans' or something?

“So...I dunno. It's pretty hard, though. And I'm not sure whether I'm doing it right. Plus, it's not just that I want to be friends with him at all. I also kinda...want to, um. Go out with him, I guess? Only that's a bad idea for so many reasons, I mean, I have no idea whether he even likes guys, hell, I don't even know whether _I_ like guys, I tried to go on a date with this Ace Trainer guy a month ago to see, only I kept thinking about N, though that might have been because we were on the Ferris Wheel at the time, and I'm not even normally attracted to guys anyway!” Black caught his breath, barrelling on rapidly: “not to mention that this whole thing has like literally the worst timing ever. Let's set aside the fact that I'm seriously almost the only person in the entire world that N can really rely on to be his friend and care about at the moment, and if I screw it up or make him uncomfortable or whatever he actually has nobody. Even setting that aside, there's the fact that he was raised by pokemon for almost his entire life! He doesn't know so many things – sometimes he's almost like a little kid! I can't imagine he'd know much about romance. Isn't that – really bad? Oh god, it sounds so awful when I say it like that, doesn't it? So I should definitely not say anything at all and just – but doesn't that sound like I'm taking advantage of him? Or that I'm, like – a Nice Guy, do they call it? Because I'm acting like I just want to be friends but secretly I'm expecting that at some point we'll go out, only I'm not expecting it at all, in fact it all sounds really ridiculous, doesn't it?

“So what do you think I should do?”

Cordy stared at him. He stared back. How long had he been talking, actually?

Cordy slowly raised a paw to his head, tapping him twice. Then, she curled up on his chest, gave him a significant look, and then closed her eyes. Within seconds, she was asleep again.

Black looked up at the ceiling, covering his eyes with his hand. Cordy's advice was that he should sleep. He really, really should have expected that. But... He reached over to the remote and cut the gas, plunging the room into darkness. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. In fact, he realised as he yawned, rest was definitely what he needed right now.

Resolving to not think about it any more until the next morning, Black closed his eyes.

*

“Black! Black! Get up!”

Black was awake in an instant, and had bolted upright an instant after. Cordy yelped, falling to the floor at White's feet; Pyotr rushed over to help her.

“It's Christmas,” he breathed, grin threatening to overtake his face.

“Yeah!” White cried, clapping her hands.

Black threw off his blanket, hopping over Cordy and Pyotr (with a quick “sorry!” of course) and dashed over to the tree, White behind him. He'd been able to see it a bit last night, of course, but that wasn't the same. Now, the many brightly-coloured and glittering presents beneath the big green tree were the most beautiful, tantalising thing he'd ever seen.

“Is mom awake? And N?”

“I called to her through the door and she said she'd be getting up. Same with N.”

There was the sound of someone walking down stairs behind them, and then when Black turned there was N, barefoot, wearing the same pants and turtleneck he always wore, but nothing else, his hair messy and down. Black's heart thumped.

“Um, merry Christmas?”

“Merry Christmas, N!” White said with a wide smile, beckoning him over.

“Merry Christmas!” Black added, shifting over so he could sit between them.

N peered at the presents. “Should we open them?”

“Not until mom and everyone else gets here. We'll all open them together. Once mom's up, though...”

“I'm up,” mom said dully behind them, rubbing at her sleepy eyes. White and Black cheered, rushing over to their stockings above the fireplace and poring through them, pulling out the candy and small presents inside.

“Thanks, mom!” White said, hugging the new Nintendo DS game to her chest, while Black did the same with the two manga in his. Mom beamed.

As Black pulled out a chocolate bar, though, he paused. “Here, N, you can have this.”

“Yeah!” White agreed, pushing some chocolate coins in his direction.

N raised his hands and gestured away with them. “That's really not necessary...”

“N!” the twins wailed at the same time, each continuing to thrust candy at him.

N bit his lip and sighed, reluctantly taking the chocolate. The twins cheered.

“Where are we going again this time?” White asked when they were done.

“We're meeting up at Cheren's house. Are you ready to go?”

“Um, duh!” Black grabbed as many presents as he could, walking over to the front door, and then stopping as he tried to figure out how to put on his coat and shoes without dropping them. White rolled her eyes, throwing on her own coat and shoes before returning to pick up a few presents.

As Black restacked his presents, he paused. There was one here he didn't recognise, made with a different wrapping paper than the rest. Not only that, but it was wrapped very poorly, with way too much paper and tape. Black lingered over it for an instant before adding it to his pile and continuing. He wouldn't think about it. He couldn't think about it.

Together, the four of them put on their cloaks and carried the presents over to Cheren's house. As soon as they entered Cheren took the presents from White's arms and carried them over to the tree, carefully dividing them into groups based on recipient.

“Merry Christmas to you, too,” White said dryly.

“Yeah, same,” Cheren muttered as Black sat his presents down next to him and helped to sort them.

“Merry Christmas, Cheren, Jia, Tom!”

“Merry Christmas,” the parents said half-heartedly in response, passing a cup of coffee over to Black's mom.

The door opened again to reveal Juniper, along with Lizzie and a few of Black's pokemon that she typically took care of – Joy, Doug, and Circe. “Merry Christmas, everyone!” she said loudly, handing her stack of presents to Cheren, receiving an answering call immediately.

After a while, the presents were organised into groups and the seven sat around, the kids nearly shaking with excitement, waiting.

“Geez, where is Bianca?” Black finally blurted out after an entire ten minutes of waiting.

“Did she sleep in again?” Cheren said.

“Maybe...” White frowned. Black and Cheren groaned.

But then the door flew open and Bianca rushed in, presents dropping around her. “Sorry!” she cried, letting the rest of the presents fall unceremoniously to the floor and wrapping her arms around White. “Merry Christmas, White!”

“Merry Christmas!” The two kissed, giggling happily.

Bianca's parents both arrived, presents in tow, and soon Cheren had apportioned them all out. There was no pile for N, Black noted sadly, wishing he had come up with an idea for a present for him the night before. He knew it – overthinking had never caused any problems that underthinking hadn't.

“Well, how are we going to do it, then?” Bianca's mom asked, warming her hands on her cup of coffee.

“I think we should open a present a time in order, youngest to oldest,” Cheren said.

“I second that!” Bianca said, shooting her hand in the air.

“But that takes too long!” White complained, leaning closer into Bianca.

“It builds up anticipation. Makes it more fun,” said Cheren.

“Too long!”

“Why don't we go youngest to oldest, but just open all of our presents faster so it goes by quicker?” Black suggested, and Bianca nodded.

“Agreed,” Cheren said instantly, wasting not a second before he began to pull at the wrapping paper covering one of his presents.

Soon he was done (after he had spent a respectable amount of time complaining about Iris' Pokemon Training for Dummies present - “Jesus, she thinks that just because she's already a gym leader she's so much better than me and she can just say whatever she wants, but I beat her as well, so I'm not an idiot!” “But if you're trying to become a gym leader as well, it's probably not a bad idea to listen to her advice...” “Screw you.”), as was Bianca (after she had spent a respectable amount of time thanking White for her apple necklace present - “Awww, it's so perfect, it's totally our fruit!” “...you have a fruit? And why apples, exactly?” “Because of the Big Apple, obviously! That's where we got together, after all!” “Bianca, we live in Isshu. Of course you got together there.”)

Then it was White's turn (“So what, I'm your little brother except when it benefits you?” “Of course, little brother!”), and then Black's. The presents were as great as he could have imagined – a lot of the manga he'd wanted, plus an anime, as well as a nice shirt from Charlie and Sharon, a small figure that White, Cheren, and Bianca had pitched in to get, and a few props that he was sure his pokemon would love.

And then there was the mystery present. Cheren must have been the one to sort it, and indeed when he looked closely he could see his name written onto the wrapping paper in scribbled pen. As soon as he saw it again his heart thumped, but he tried to ignore it. It was just as difficult to open as it looked, to the point that his mom was forced to fetch the scissors just so he could open it.

_Could it be...?_

He didn't say anything, though, for fear of jinxing it and just because it was all a little embarrassing. So as the others all wondered aloud who it was from, Black played along, pulling at the wrapping almost manically as he tried to rip it open.

Eventually he managed it and found – a book? A manga? In orange?

 _Naruto_ , the cover said.

_...huh?_

Without thinking, he looked up at N. The intense, clearly worried look on his face said it all. When he realized Black was looking at him he blushed.

“Ah, yes, that's from me.”

“But I thought you said you didn't know it was Christmas tomorrow?”

“I knew it was coming, I just didn't realize it'd be so soon. I'd hoped to see you again in time to give you this, so I was really surprised when I found out that I'd come so close to missing it...”

“But...” Black picked up the book, feeling the plastic cover. Why this? Had he guessed?

“Er,” N said haltingly. “You mentioned it. Reading, uh, manga? A while ago.”

Black strained his memory. He'd said that? And then he remembered – they'd seen each other briefly at Castelia City, and Black had been heading to check out the bookstore at the time. He'd only mentioned it off-handedly, and N had seemed to dismiss what he said entirely.

“You remembered?” he said in a strange voice.

N nodded. “Yeah.”

Black looked down again, drawing his thumbs over the cover. Not just his chest but his whole body felt strangely thuddy, his head whirling as though he had just rushed over towards an edge and only narrowly stopped himself from toppling over. He nodded, unsure what he was agreeing to.

“Come on, Black, we have a lot of eager people with presents to open!” White suddenly cried, and Black jumped.

“Ah, sorry!” he said, scratching his neck, looking back at the others as they laughed at him. Face red, he pulled another present towards him, tearing it open with unusual force.

The presents he'd gotten were wonderful, but Black was glad when focus shifted from him and on to Charlie. The whole time he felt both jittery and unsure – he had so much energy, but he had no idea what to do with it. It wasn't like it even meant anything – all he'd done was buy him a manga, and not even one he'd ever wanted to read. But...

Throughout their whole relationship, ever since the beginning, he'd always thought of it in terms of what he'd have to do for N, how he could help him, how he would build up their friendship. N saw something special in him, but that just meant even more that Black had to make the effort to talk to him and befriend him, and then to get through to him. When he was forced to wait for N to come to him he was miserable, but even when he did so Black immediately returned to thinking of it in terms of what he had to do to keep them as friends. If it was awkward, it was because Black was screwing it up. What was N supposed to do? Just stand there and take it?

He pressed his thumbs into the cover again. For the first time, it really got through to him that N was trying just as hard in return. Not just to help out pokemon and achieve his goals, but to be friends with Black. He had been back then – to the point where it was starting to interfere with Team Plasma's goals, if he remembered correctly – and he was now.

Black didn't have a Christmas present for N. But there was pretty much no way he could've gotten one, and in the end, maybe it wasn't so bad that N had done something for him. Maybe that happened every now and then.

The presents were soon over and everyone sat around together again, some of the adults up cooking breakfast. Black, N, and Cheren sat on the floor, plus White at Bianca's feet where she sat on the couch.

“It always feels a little...quieter now, doesn't it?” White said, closing her eyes as Bianca began to play with her hair.

“Yeah. Like the bit everyone was looking forward to is over now,” Cheren said.

“Hey! The presents aren't the important bit. Being together is!” Bianca said insistently.

“We're together all the time. We were together last night, too. The presents are the only thing that really make Christmas all that different from any other holiday.”

“What about the carols, the tree, decorations, food...?” said Black, leaning back on his hands.

“I said ' _all that_ ' different. Each holiday has its own themes and stuff. Other than exchanging a few colors and shapes around, what really changes?”

“You're so cynical,” Bianca complained, pouting.

“I thought Christmas was about – Jesus?” N said unsurely.

The others snorted. Cheren went so far as to roll his eyes, and White petted his hand comfortingly. “Oh, dear.”

“Ignore them.” Black leaned forward, smiling encouragingly at N, and resisting the urge to smile much wider when N turned to him. “It was originally, and a lot of people still think of it that way, but it's not really necessary. People all celebrate Christmas in their own way.”

“Exactly! Each Christmas is as different as the people celebrating it!” Bianca agreed cheerfully.

“Geez...” Cheren grumbled, and even N chuckled this time.

“So what do you think of Christmas, N?” said White.

N frowned thoughtfully. “It was...certainly an interesting experience.”

“Really?” Black said, trying to hide his disappointment.

N turned to him and hastily added, “Ah, but I did enjoy it! Definitely!”

Black smiled. “Good. You have to come back next year!”

“Yeah!” White agreed, and Bianca nodded, though she seemed a little confused.

“Oh, I couldn't-”

“N!” cried Black and White simultaneously, both leaning forward to glare at him.

“Well, you've done it now,” Cheren said dryly. “With both of them hounding you, you'll never have your way.”

“So I've seen...” N said quietly, and both Black and White burst into laughter.

“Who wants an omelette?” called mom, and Black and Cheren immediately got up to get some.

They all ate together, just sitting around and relaxing. The groups mixed in together, talking over and under and amongst one another. Black was unusually quiet, content to simply sit there and listen to the conversations going on around him, not feeling any duty to speak. A couple of times his eyes caught N's and they exchanged a smile.

After sitting in silence for a while, Black took his plate into the kitchen and left it there. The others, assuming that he was just getting some more food, took no notice. Black began to head back, but stopped himself with a thought. Instead, he headed to the front door, pulling on his coat and shoes and stepping outside.

The air was cold and crisp, snow piled up in clumps under the roof edges of the houses. Black closed his eyes, breathing out deeply, his breath frosting in the air. He shoved his hands in his pockets, absently walking forwards. Nuvema Town was always quiet, but this Christmas kind of quiet was special, somehow.

The door opened behind him – it was N. Black's heart stuttered in surprise, but he smiled.

“Hey!”

N nodded, walking over to him. “It's nice out here.”

“Not too cold?”

“A bit...” N admitted, and Black chuckled. “But at least I'm in a house for the time being. I was sleeping in a tent last week.”

“What? Didn't they have those storms back then? Did you-”

“No. ...well, mostly not.”

Black stared, eye twitching slightly. “Uh, that is not very good!”

N shrugged. “It was...rather trying, I must admit.”

“I thought you were going to say 'an experience' there for a moment. I was just getting insulted that you compared sleeping outside during a storm to sharing Christmas with my family.”

“Both...uh, go by very fast. And are difficult to understand.”

 _What?_ Black snorted. “You are just a joke machine today, aren't you?”

N looked like he had no idea if he was being made fun of. “I – yes?”

Black shook his head, grinning. “I like it,” he said, before he could convince himself not to.

“Oh.” N frowned. “I don't think I know any other jokes, though.”

“That's fine.” Black looked around. Snow was sparkling all over, on the houses, in the trees. The pure whiteness was a little blinding, but very beautiful.

Actually, come to think of it, it was just nice to be home. Black stepped forward, looking at the other houses, at Juniper's lab. He'd spent sixteen years here, and in some ways it felt like he'd never left. But at the same time, there was an edge to it that he hadn't seen since before he battled the Elite Four. The feeling wasn't quite the same. He couldn't see it all in precisely the same way. It wasn't better or worse, just different.

He had an idea and turned back to N. “This is where my pokemon journey started.” He pointed at his house. “Juniper left a present at my house with our starters – that's how I got Ichirou, and Cheren and Bianca got Clementine and Billy.”

“Oshawott, Tepig, and Snivy are all rare pokemon.”

“Yeah, she found them while away on a research trip. Sometimes I wondered whether they were lonely, being taken away from their families, but I guess Ichirou at least didn't mind.”

“Zoroark was the first pokemon to stay with me. I met pokemon before her, but they all eventually left. She was the only one to remain.”

“Is that why you keep her around even now?”

N nodded. “I released the rest of the pokemon, including Reshiram. I had only caught them because I needed them to battle, and planned to let them go as soon as I could. But Zoroark would always refuse to leave.”

Black smiled. “Yeah, pokemon can be stubborn like that.”

N gave him a look. “Much like humans.”

Black nodded, looking away again, and kept walking. “This is where Bianca, Cheren, and I took our first steps together.”

“And not White?”

“She left a few months earlier. She was really impatient, and Juniper had a pokemon, but we couldn't all go because Bianca's dad wanted her to finish at least that last year of school before she went off. So, Cheren and I stayed behind.”

“That was kind.”

“Nah, I was kinda worried as well.” The grass swayed in the winter breeze.

“Why do you insist on denying that you are a good person?”

“Why do you?” Black covered his face with his hand. “Never mind, this really isn't the time to discuss it-”

“The situations are totally different. You have done nothing blameworthy.”

“Yeah, and neither have you. So they're totally not.”

“My actions harmed many pokemon and people unnecessarily. How could I not be blamed?”

“Because you didn't try to. You had no idea that would happen, and you couldn't have been expected to.”

“So people should only be blamed for things they do deliberately?”

“Unless they should have known otherwise, yeah. But you didn't.”

N's eyes were blazing. “Zekrom appeared to you just as Reshiram appeared to me.”

“Huh? Don't change the subject-”

“I'm not. The subject is the way you constantly attempt to praise me and criticise yourself!”

“What? I don't do that, you're the one who does that! It's – I don't think I'm a bad person, I'm just not a hero like you are-”

“So you believe Zekrom got it wrong?”

Black glared at him. “Maybe...maybe it wasn't anything about me at all. Maybe a lot of trainers could have done that and I was just in the right place at the right time.”

N looked away. “Could similar reasoning not apply to me?”

Black was silent for a moment. “Or maybe...” He also turned away, and together they gazed down route 1. “Maybe it's not about us as individuals at all. It's that...together...” he drifted off, unsure how to finish.

“Together we would restore Isshu?” N said doubtfully, but there was a hint of something else in his voice.

“Yeah. Yeah, maybe that's right.”

“But I did nothing to help you. In fact, I impeded you.”

“No, you did. You...helped me to realise that I had to fight for what I wanted. And you helped me to realise that...well, sometimes things aren't what they seem. Or are a bit more complicated than I thought. Er, plus, I'm sure you did a bunch actively as well, not just to impact me, I mean...”

But N's expression had softened. “Maybe.”

“And...” Black took a shuddering breath, not entirely sure where he was going with this, but he felt light-headed and they were saying things and - “We both think of each other as – as special, right?”

N glanced at him. “Yes?”

“Well...maybe that's partially true, like, on a world scale or whatever. But maybe part of it's just that... like... to each other, we are?”

“Um, yes. Like you said earlier, it might be that we're 'special' in terms of what we can do together, not only on our own.”

“I mean apart from that. It's like...” Black searched for the words. “When you get to know someone well... Or when someone does something for you... they're special for you, right? And you want them to be happy and do good things and all. And they just seem...different to other people, right? Well, both of us kinda... did things for each other, I guess. And maybe it wasn't that they were especially good or bad things, or that we're inherently better people or whatever. It's just that we did good things to each other, and helped each other out, and so for us, the other is special.” Black was definitely blushing right now. “Um, if that makes sense at all?”

N squinted. “It's difficult to say. But I think I understand.”

“Really?” Black looked down at the snow, nudging it with his foot. “It's just that. Well. We're people, you know? We can do big things and save other people and all, but we're still our own – people. I'm saying that too much, aren't I? But I mean – yeah.”

“No, I understand. It does make sense.”

“Shit.” Black laughed a little, covering his face again. “I'm not very good at this, am I?”

“Good at what?”

Black was silent.

After a moment, N chuckled quietly. Black's fingers clenched, but he had no idea what he was doing all of a sudden.

“Your pokemon...care very deeply for you,” N said with great amusement.

“...um. Yes?” Black said. What did that have to do with what they were talking about? Was this about what Black said about people being special for personal reasons?

N swallowed, and Black realized with a jolt that he was very, very nervous. Adrenaline coursed through Black in response and he instinctively tried to think of something to say to ease his worries, while the more rational part of his brain searched valiantly for any possible cause.

“Er, N?”

“Black -” N looked him in the eye. His expression was – god, Black didn't even know where to begin to interpret it. Even then, he shuddered under an intensity he hadn't seen since N had returned.

And then N was touching his shoulder, awkwardly, and then his face was close, and then – oh. Okay. That was. Okay. Okay. They were kissing. That was good.

N leaned back. Black stared at him. He realized absently that he had probably not closed his eyes in all that time. Stupidly, he attempted to do so, but then suddenly remembered that his timing was completely wrong and so tried to pass it off as a long blink.

“You don't have to do everything, Black.”

Okay yes that was definitely a thing that was happening that Black didn't understand. That was – two things. Why had N said that in particular? Also the kissing thing.

He realized that he was staring. He blinked again.

“Did White talk to you?” he blurted out.

“No.”

“Cheren? Bianca? Juniper?” Fuck, why did so many people know about this? Come to think of it, Juniper had probably told his mom as well. Argh, why hadn't he figured that out?!

“Um, Ichirou told me.”

“...Ichirou.”

They stared at each other. N shifted, scratching his neck and looking away. “I may have – received inaccurate information.”

“N, if your information were even somewhat inaccurate I would not be reacting like this, I swear. Just. Uh.” He shook his head, resolving to concentrate on one confusing thing at a time. “Ichirou?”

“Yes, this morning. Pomona and Linda also came with him and vouched. Doug didn't appear to know you very well but gave his thoughts as well. A lot of them seemed to be watching as well.”

“Really?” Okay now he was actually confused, not just overwhelmed. Who had told them? Any of the people he'd mentioned before could have, but why would they tell his pokemon instead of going straight for N?

And then the penny dropped.

“Cordy,” he breathed.

“Hm?”

“I told her...last night...” Black searched his memories. He'd asked her for advice, yeah, but he hadn't thought she even really cared, but apparently...

Something heavy and bright burned in his chest. “Yeah. Yeah, they do care about me a lot, don't they?”

“...so, um, what they said was right?” Surprised, Black looked at N again. The poor boy looked even more nervous than ever.

“Um, yes!” Black said hastily, waving his hands. “Yes, yeah, that was accurate! I mean, presuming – yeah! But – you kissed me!”

“Yeah!” N said, nodding. “That's – because I also, um, love you?”

“Wh- eh??” Black froze in shock, staring at N. “Uh- L- You- what?!”

“Is that not the right thing to say?” If anything, N seemed even more freaked out than Black. “Or have I – misunderstood something a lot?”

“I – no, I don't think, it's just – um, the first thing?”

“Because I'm pretty sure that's what people in this situation say only I did hear some – some implications that maybe it wasn't for some reason, I don't really know, it's difficult to understand, but if it is the wrong thing then I'll just say that I like you, a lot, and, um, want to go out with you? Which I think is the correct thing to say?”

“Yes! Yes, that is exactly the right thing to say! Because I also really like you and want to go out with you and-” He paused, and the seconds dragged on as they stared at each other in silence.

All of a sudden, they both began to laugh, shaking their heads and cooling their hot cheeks in the cold air.

“So...this is it? We're really...” Black said quietly, swallowing.

“Yeah,” N said, and he was smiling, and Black was smiling, and everything was perfect.

*

“Jesus christ! Shitting – _fuck_!” White pounded the button on her controller so hard that she threatened to do it permanent damage. Black cackled.

“Let's see you escape...from this!” He tapped his own button dramatically, setting off a bomb shooting in her direction.

White downright screeched. “You bastard!” She stood up, veering over to the side in her determination to evade. There was a loud crashing sound, and White went limp.

Slowly, she turned to Black. Her glare only made his smile even more seemingly innocent.

“I don't think I like this game.”

“Ooh! My turn!” Bianca cried, making grabby hands for the controller. White handed it over, grumbling about her little brother being good at the only game they had that was any good for multiplayer.

“You're up next, then!” Black said, handing his to N. N took it gingerly, glancing back and forth between Bianca's hands and his own.

“Is this right...?”

“Ah, no.” Black took N's hand, moving it so his thumb was over the stick. “See, you press it like this?”

“Geez, get any closer, you too,” Cheren grumbled, chomping on a piece of gingerbread.

“You're just jealous,” Black said lightly, trying not to blush. “Because I have a boyfriend.”

“I don't want a boyfriend,” Cheren said at the same time as Bianca said cheerfully “Yeah!” and kissed White on the cheek.

“Also, how am I the only one of us to turn out straight.”

“Guess you're just not as cool as the rest of us,” White teased, wrapping an arm around Bianca's waist, and Bianca and Black laughed.

“We're not really acting unusually, are we?” N asked Black thoughtfully.

“Absolutely not. We were much worse,” White said seriously.

Bianca sighed. “Aw, I kinda miss that, sweetie!”

“'Sweetie'?” N turned to Black. “Should I say that?”

“Please don't,” Cheren said as Black blushed even harder.

White rolled her eyes. “You do realize you can just get back at us by being even worse when you finally get a girlfriend?”

The other three snickered at the mental image, and then even more when Cheren replied with utter seriousness, “Oh believe me, I will.”

“So, you've got it?” Black said, and N nodded.

“I'm ready.”

“Same here! You're not going to be able to take me down easily!” Bianca boasted, and White cheered in agreement.

“Okay, now you definitely have to win,” Black said, smirking at White. “We're not going down, either!”

“That's what she said.”

“Cheren!” Black moaned and White and Bianca burst out laughing.

And so it was in eating food (thankfully Black managed to get the parents to cook something vegan for N, though he still felt a little guilty for not following him), sitting around with friends (Iris called at one point and screamed for at least ten seconds when she heard about Black and N), and watching two people utterly fail at Mario Kart in every possible way (N somehow managed to hit himself with his own green shell twice in a single race, which the others had to admit was impressively bad) that Black spent his sixteenth Christmas.

It was better than he could have ever hoped for.

**Author's Note:**

> Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha is an anime which is basically Pokemon Black and White if N and Black were magical girls. Seriously. And yes, that fight with Elesa did happen in my nuzlocke exactly as it appears there, unfortunately.


End file.
